I'm a fairly high-strung person. I'm usually wired on coffee, hellbent on completing some self-imposed deadline, and easily given to mild panics. So, when I saw someone mention Lazy Cakes on Twitter a few days ago, I was curious.

Lazy Cakes aren't technically cake. They're brownies made with melatonin and valerian root extract, which are supposed to make the eater a little more relaxed. They're also made in Memphis by the same people who make "Unwind" (a Drank-style anti-energy drink).

It took me a few tries to find my Lazy Cakes. The Highland Z Market didn't have any. My beloved Tempo Market, the convenience store that backs up to my house that still had illict Four Loko until a few weeks ago, doesn't carry them. I finally found some sitting in a box on the counter at the BP on the corner of Auction and A.C. Willis downtown, across from the MATA station.

Once I had them, it took me a while to work up the nerve to try them. After all, this is the only brownie I've ever seen that comes with a warning label.

It reads:

"This product is not designed to treat, diagnose, cure or prevent any illness. LAZY CAKES ARE RECOMMENDED FOR ADULTS ONLY. If you are taking prescription medication, pregnant or nursing, consult your health care provider prior to using this product. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery after consuming this product. Do not mix with alcohol."

Well, then. Last night, compliant with the warning label, I ripped open the packaging and tried my first Lazy Cake. Here's what happened, transcribed from the notes I took, complete with timestamps.

11:15 p.m. I'm eating the Lazy Cake. It tastes kind of weird. Then again, it's a brownie I bought at a gas station - I shouldn't expect chewy deliciousness.

11:18 p.m. Just noticed that technically, I just ate two servings of Lazy Cake. Who just eats half of a brownie?

11:40 p.m. I'm yawning a lot, but I can't decide if it's because it's it's late, or because of the cakes.

11:45 p.m. It's got to be the cake. I haven't been this tired this early on a week night in months. I'm putting on pyjamas and getting comfortable with a book.

12:00 a.m. Trying to read, but I'm having trouble focusing. According to my husband, Matthew, I'm talking like I'm drunk. Meaning, my speech is a little slower than normal and I won't stop talking. Currently, I won't shut up about booty rap weekend anthems. I blame R. Kelly.

12:05 a.m. It's not that I'm tired - I'm just really sleepy.

12:10 a.m. Update from Matthew: Kerry's out cold with a book on her face.

I woke up at 6:50 this morning, extremely well-rested, but a little confused and lethargic.

Let this be a lesson - Lazy Cakes aren't messing around. The warning label is dead on - don't give these to kids, and definitely don't try to drive anywhere after you eat one. They were effective, but I doubt I'll ever eat one again.

To get your own, order them online or pick some up at your favorite convenience store.